Cheese With Your Whine?
7.04.2005
The End of the Beginning
That's how tonight feels. I'm trying not to be too emotional about starting work tomorrow, but I am filled with both excitement and angst. In some ways I feel like I'm losing my girl. In others it feels like I'm giving her something new - a more stable home environment and an educational place to be when I can't be with her. And I'm excited to be starting a new job and the opportunities it brings me personally. I'll actually get to use my brain again.
I've done pretty well today. We played and had Kelly and Corbin over for a barbecue. Rylee is down so we're not going to watch fireworks. Go ahead call me unpatriotic. I'm not about to wake her. She didn't have a very good nap today and was pretty cranky there at the end. All in all, though it was a pretty good day. She did pop Corbin in the mouth with a toy, poor little guy.
It just feels like the end of the beginning of our lives together. It's been a great almost 15 months and I'm eternally grateful that I've been able to be home with her for so long. Lots of moms - single or not - are not so fortunate. I'm sure I'd feel this way whether she were starting preschool, kindergarten or college, and I know that eventually I would have to not be with her all the time anyway, but did it have to happen so soon? I miss her already. What's she going to do that I'm going to miss? Will they hold her as tightly and give her as much love as I do when she gets hurt? What if she can't get into a good routine about naps and it's always a struggle for her? Sheesh. Mommy guilt is already coming in fast and furious.
Someone told me the other day that I've just got to find a way to be okay with it. Sure. Easy for you to say.
