Cheese With Your Whine?
5.31.2006
Wow.That's really all I can say for all that's going on in my life right at the moment. I got THE JOB!!! We will be heading overseas for a year on the 13th or 15th.
I'm nervous, happy, sad and excited all at the same time. Do you have any idea how draining it is to feel all those emotions at one time?
So, yesterday was my birthday and it always gets me to thinking. I wonder how I got to 28 years old and still feel like such a kid sometimes. Remember when you were growing up and you could just imagine how cool it would feel to be all grown up? Well, I'm still waiting for that feeling. That I've-got-it-all-figure-out feeling that I was just *sure* I was going have by this point in my life. That I'm-mature-and-don't-do-stupid-things attitude that I thought I saw in my mom. I still laugh when Rylee toots and I think bathroom humor is funny. I get silly and sad and moody just like it I did at 12.
This was not the plan for my life. I was not supposed to be a single mom. No way. No how. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be a mom at all. I was a career woman. I was going to have my own custom built house, a fat 401(k) and a sweet little car by this point in my life. I'm supposed to be flitting around the country giving presentations and blessing people with my wisdom. I should be a VP by now. THAT was the plan. Not to be a single mom, struggling to make it from pay check to pay check, scared at times, and haunted by a past that was chosen for me. I shouldn't have to be faced with never having another Christmas with my mom because she chose a sick man over me and my daughter. My daughter shouldn't have to live her life without grandparents.
Nope this certainly is NOT how it was supposed to go. I shouldn't know the joy that comes from watching a two year old make a discovery, or hearing "I yub you, Mommy", or getting to kiss owies. I was not supposed to be brought to my knees by this sweet/ornery/loving/stubborn little person that I created. I never imagined having the sort of friends in my life that I do - people who know everything about me and love me anyway. I didn't think that I could feel complete being single at 28. I ceratinly couldn't imagine landing a job like I just did and embarking on the adventure of a lifetime with the best little girl in the whole world.
It's just not the plan. Nothing about my life is how I pictured it. But I wouldn't trade it. If I traded my childhood I wouldn't have Rylee because I wouldn't have been at the point in my life I was at when I got pregnant. And the thought of not having her makes my heart nearly stop with pain. She IS the great redemption in everything that has happened to me and the decisions I have made - good, bad or otherwise.
Life sometimes is cruel. It's not fair and it's not easy. Not at all. But it's also surprisingly rewarding, rich, and wonderful. And that part is just as unexpected as the bad that life throws at us.
5.25.2006
I miss my girlRylee-Kate is with her awesome Aunt Katie and they went to a water park today. (I get her back tomorrow!!!) Thanks, Ms. Dallas K for the great picture! I love it.
5.22.2006
Things I've learned this weekAbout puppies -
**They are capable of chewing every single thing in your house, including your modem and laptop cable, making it impossible to blog from home.
About TV -
**I still love Grey's. They ended it exactly like they should have. The season finale of Desperate Housewives was good too. And how 'bout the series finale of Will and Grace? I LOVED it!
About my daughter-
**She is no longer my baby. In her own words on Mother's Day, "I'm not your baby. I'm your girl." At TWO, she's no longer my baby. Little does she know, she'll be my baby when she's 40. How do you like that, smarty pants?
**She's sharp. She can recognize the sound of motorcycles, airplanes, tranes, helicopters, and big trucks without seeing them. Is that smart? I don't know, it seems so to me.
**She's independent as hell. Yesterday at a birthday party, she ran up to me, grabbed a token and took off. No Mama necessary.
**She didn't care last night when I left her for (gasp!) a week with her Aunt Katie. She missed me when in the middle of the night, though.
**When I'm not with her, I dream about her. I swear I spent all night trying to find her because she'd been kidnapped. It was awful. I mean pure hell. And now I'm tired.
**When I'm not with her, it cuts my get ready time in half, and I have rediscovered the glory of taking a shower alone.
**I don't think I'll make a week without her.
About waiting -
**I hate it. I despise not knowing what's going to happen. I don't even know which hemisphere of the world I'm going to be living in in a month and it's freaking killing me.
About wanting what I can't have -
**I'm apparently very good at that. Have you ever wanted something so much that it totally consumes you, yet it's the one thing you can't have? It hurts, and makes it hard for me to breathe.
About Chuck E Cheese -
** Your two year old can catch free rides on the carousel if you're out of tokens, if she can climb up there by herself. (Please note this was not my idea. I wandered over there and found her blissfully riding because some other kid kept putting tokens in.) See, I told you she's smart.
About the movie RV -
** It's a definite renter, but you will still probably laugh. It makes for a good girls night out. Not as good a Art School Confidential, though right, Cop's Wife?
5.15.2006
I cannot wait!!
The season finale of Grey's Anatomy is tonight and I cannot wait. I'm such a McDreamy freak.Oh, and he said that viewers would not be disappointed with the outcome of the Meredith/Derek thing.
Don't let me down, McDreamy.
5.14.2006
How much fun is learning to go potty in the big pot?Apparently LOTS. Especially if you have your Quaker Soy Chip with you. White cheddar, please.
5.13.2006
Dance Nekkid One More Time!Hopefully, by 7:00 or so tomorrow morning I will have the YES! that I'm waiting for. I have to talk to just one. more. person. Today went very, very well.
5.12.2006
I'M WEARING SKINNY JEANS!!That is all.
Edited to add: MY skinny jeans. As in pre-going-to-work-for-below-mentioned-company-jeans.
Just for the record. Mama Cassy does not wear 'skinny' style jeans. No, sir.
5.10.2006
A wise man once said..."If you get diagnosed with cancer and only have 6 months to live, [company where I work] is the place to work. It will be the longest 6 months of your fucking life."
Well said, my friend. Well said.
5.09.2006
Does this make us redneck?So the other day, I had the back door open and Rylee and Missy were running in and out. I was cleaning and doing whatever it is I do at home, and I heard Rylee yell, "MAMA, come HERE!"
And this is what I saw:
Yes. That would be my daughter in a cooler with the leftover water from the melted ice from the birthday party - 3 1/2 weeks ago. (Yes, it's been that long and I STILL haven't sent out thank you notes. I'm very sorry. I suck, but I'm working on them.)
Of course I had to get the camera. She was just so damn proud of herself.
Kids are funny. Mine had an absolute fit tonight because I would not reach the moon for her to touch. She doesn't want much, does she?
I leave you with a picture of my two girls, who fight like sisters. There's a reason I don't have two children.
Oh, and tomorrow is a VERY big morning for me, so please send happy thoughts and good luck vibes my way. I really, really need this.
Flowy Skirt + Texas Wind + Building with Windows = Nice Shot of the Pantiless Ass For Those Sitting Behind Said Windows
Yeah, me too.
5.08.2006
Don't QuitSomeone sent me this today and I needed it, so I thought maybe someone else could use it too.
Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but don't you quit
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near, when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
I know it seems so simple, but things have been super rough lately. It's nothing that I care to expound upon here, but I've wanted to quit. Big time. And that's a scary feeling.
I can't quit. There's too much good, and I needed the reminder. So, if you're tempted to quit, don't. Read this little ditty and know that it's going to be okay.
It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay.
5.05.2006
Dear Neighbors Behind Us:
We need to talk. See that poor dog? Yeah, it needs a haircut and some attention. I'm sure you guys work (at least I hope so) but damn. Give it some love when you get home. The poor thing is always stuck halfway under the fence trying to get over here.
It makes me sad. And Mama Cassy no like to be sad. Please just take care of the poor thing or give it to someone who will.
Cassy, who is thinking about calling the authorities on your ass.
P.S. To all of you who commented yesterday - Come back and comment because you love ME, not someone else.
P.P.S. To Someone Else, yes, it feels kind of nice to be a comment whore for a day. You are one crazy chick.
5.03.2006
My girlsMy two legged one:
And the one with four legs. No her eyes are not blue. Must mess with the setting on the camera.