Cheese With Your Whine?

7.29.2005

Cassy's Top 10 List



Top 10 Reasons You Know That Your Baby is Not a Baby Anymore.

10. You order her a kid's meal at Wendy's and she eats all of it.

9. She's got a mouth full of teeth.

8. She has gone 24 hours without nursing...all on her own.

7. When she does nurse she can use those teeth to bite hard enough to make you BLEED!

6. She now cares about toys in the store, which explains why you just bought a stupid Boo Bah!

5. She looks at babies and ever so intellectually points out that they are just that - babies.

4. She can run to you and give you kisses.

3. She can run away from you when she doesn't want a bath.

2. She dances when your cell phone rings.

And the number one reason you know your baby is not a baby anymore....

1. When you ask her to do something she can very plainly say "No, Mommy" when usually you are simply referred to as Mee-Moo.

Posted by cassy :: 7/29/2005 :: 4 Cheese Crumbles:

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WHY. SO. LONG?

Will this day never end??? This morning went by really quickly, but this afternoon is dddrrraaagggiiiinnnggg!!!!!!!!! I should probably leave for lunch and it wouldn't be so bad. I've just got so much to do that I feel badly just to think about actually leaving for a whole hour. The good news is that bossman is out of town until next Friday, so I should be able to get some good, uninterrupted work done. I swear when that man is here I get nothing done for all the 'hey Cassy, you got a minute"s and "are you in the middle of something"s. Heck yeah, I'm in the middle of something. Can you not SEE this mountain of paperwork I'm staring at you through? Come on man, just leave me alone already.

I'm going to go get the film from our trip developed tonight, so I should have pics soon. Yippee. This weekend Katie and Chris will be gone. They're going to go get Taylor and go to a wedding. Much as I love 'em, I'm always glad to have the house to myself....just like they are when I'm gone.

I've got laundry to do this weekend, and I desperately need to get some clothes for work. Mind you this place is very informal, but I don't think a halter top and capris will fly. Don't I wish. I can get by with the capris, but not the halter. All of my old business clothes were given away on freecycle last year because they were constant reminders of how large my backside has become. Nothing like a size 6 staring at your size 12 body to make ya feel like crappola. I hope I can find some cheap stuff at the mall. I think I'm going to head to the Mills. Christina and maybe Erin and I are gonna go there. I need good stuff cheap. I also have some Gymbucks to use. As if Rylee needs anything else to wear.

I'm so sick of being broke. I'm hoping that will change once I get sort of caught up from being paid here. I hate having to think about whether or not I can afford a $100 shopping spree. It's only $100 for crying out loud. Maybe my old life just spoiled me, but thinking about money sucks. I'm so ready for my ship to come in!

Okay, that turned into a rant, and whaddya know, it's about time to bug out for the weekend. Au revoir til Monday desk and mountainous stack of papers that need to be filed, paid, entered and dealt with. You'll be here when I get back.

Posted by cassy :: 7/29/2005 :: 2 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.28.2005

To my sweet girl...

Dear Punkin,

You are chaging so much! You've got lots of teeth now - 8 to be exact. It really changes your smile...no more big gummy grins. You are such a busy little girl and you make me so happy.

Today you had a great day at school. I walked in and you ran over to me gave me a big hug and kiss. Talk about making a crummy day right! When we left, you blew kisses to Ms. Aja and Ms. Jacquie - both of whose names you can say now. You regular teacher is back - Ms. Janine. I've not met her yet, but everyone says that you like her. Ms. Tania is still in your class too. You adore her.

I still struggle with your having to be somewhere all day while I'm somewhere else. Are you okay? I mean, really, are you? I so wish I could get inside that cute little head of yours and know what's going on in there. I miss you so much when I at work. I want to give you hugs and kisses and know that you're happy. You won't understand until you have a baby of your own how much I love you and how consuming your child can be.

Then there's the mommy guilt. Why doesn't anyone tell you about that before you have kids? I feel guilty that your sperm donor isn't in the picture. You can read my long letter to you about that someday. I promise you that I will always be completely honest with you about the situation. It's such a struggle sometimes to juggle being mom, dad, breadwinner, comforter, and everything else you need and I constantly feel inadequate. I hope with all my heart that someday it will all make sense for you and that you won't harbor any hate toward me because I am doing this on my own.

Precious girl, I know you are in my life for a reason. You saved me. You opened my heart up and have taught me that it's okay to allow myself to be vulnerable. That's what real love is - surrendering yourself to someone else and taking everything that comes with it. I don't know if I could have done it had I not looked into your sweet eyes and felt a love so deep it physically hurts. It is overwhelming in so many ways, so wonderful and scary and exciting.

I can only hope that I can teach you as you have taught me. I want you to know that you are loved, unconditionally, no strings attached and forever. When you hurt, come to me. When you're happy let me laugh with you. When your heart breaks, I'll bring the tissues.

I want so badly to be all that you need, want and deserve. Sometimes I just don't know what that is, though. I suppose all I can do is the best that I know right now in this moment. And I know one thing I can do that *is* right - love you. And boy, do I love you.

All my love forever,

Mee-Moo

Posted by cassy :: 7/28/2005 :: 2 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.25.2005

What a week!

We had an awesome time in Destin!!!! I am soooo glad we went. Thanks Erin, for threatening to kick my arse if I backed out!

Rylee was so much fun at the beach. After the first day, she was in love with the water. She'd stand in it, let it wash over her head and face and then spit to get the salt out! Erin made her her own special 'pool' in the sand by digging it out and letting the water fill it up. She played there for a long time.

That kid definitely has some darker genes in her than I do. She's got one heck of a tan...even through her sunscreen. I, on the other hand, have sunburnt legs and a slight tan line from the neck of my suit. Is it wrong to be jealous of a 15 month old??

We made some really great memories and I'm going to make that trip an annual thing. I've got pictures to post...just need to get the good ole film developed.

Erin's sister Lori and her family were there and that woman is Martha freaking Stewart. They have an RV and so they didn't stay with us, but she had a full menu for every day - breakfast, lunch, appetizer, dinner, and drinks. MMMMMMM, drinks. I got pretty toasted one night - thanks to her bahama mamas, Mikes hard lime and about a whole bottle of wine. I forgot what it felt like to get drunk like that. Since Rylee actually has a regular bedtime, it was put her down, and RELAX. A small...and I mean very small... part of me misses being able to go out and drink whenever I wanted to. I admit it, I like being drunk!! Now Erin knows that my mouth runs 90 miles a minute when I've had a few.

We got to hang out with Christina one day when we all did a dolphin cruise. Of course, there were no dolphins to be seen, but it was good anyway.

Little update on Rylee and the tantrums. Today she went back to school, of course. She slept for an hour - not two or 2.5 - and had no meltdown tonight. Kinda makes ya go hmmmmm.....I really wonder if there's something to this sleep schedule thing.

Well I've got lots more to write, but now I'm off to dream of the beach. I stayed up way too late on Saturday when we got home and got almost no sleep last night. But I'm not complaining, if ya know what I mean. ;-)

I'll post pics soon. I've missed my blog and my blogging friends. I have lots of reading to do!

Posted by cassy :: 7/25/2005 :: 3 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.15.2005

And We're Off...


...well, almost. Tomorrow will be a crazy day. I'm taking Rylee to Erin's in the morning (yes way over there in Ft. Worth). Then I'm going to work for a few hours. Then it's back to Erin's for dinner, a trip to Wal-Mart and then at the crack of dawn (4:00 am or so) we're off to the beach!!!! Yay!!! Maybe Rylee will actually get to use her super cool shades.

I've still got some packing to do but it will have to wait til morning. I'm tired again. Guess that's what happens when you get up at 5:30 so that you can be at work for 'standard business hours'. :P

Here's my dilemma of the night. For the past few days Rylee has been having these massive meltdowns at night. They're always about 30 minutes after we get home. When I say massive, I'm talking giganormous! She pushes on me to get down, then arches her back and picks up her feet so she can't be put down, screams, fights and works up a sweat.

I just don't get it. It makes me feel awful. I sit at work all day, thinking about her, wanting to be with her. On my ride home, I'm so excited to see her and then when I finally get to her, we get a few good minutes until she goes beserk. Then that lasts about 20 - 30 minutes and she wears herself out so much that she's down before 8:00. Tonight Becki got to witness it and she can tell you, it's bad. I was crying buckets, Rylee was freaking out. Not pretty. She's also been pitching a fit about getting in her seat to leave. Not about leaving, because she always runs up to me and hugs me and wants me to take her home, but getting in the seat itself.

I feel like such a loser when it happens. This is my GIRL we're talking about. She's *always* wanted me. Is she mad because I'm leaving her during the day? Is she really not adjusting well?

I called Ms. Tania (yes, I've been spelling it wrong) tonight, since she gave me her cell number and asked her about the whole situation. I was bawling of course. One of my first thoughts was that she was eating a late snack that was hurting her tummy and giving her gas. Nope. They get Cherrios and water in the afternoon. She doesn't do this there.

So, I've done a bit of research and Becki called her sister who's a daycare director in St. Louis. All of it points to the fact that her sleep schedule has been messed with. Every day that this has happened, she's slept for 2 or more hours. Yesterday, they had to wake her up at 2.5. At home, she never sleeps for more than a hour and a half. Tops. Most of the time it's more like 45 min. and she just takes one nap.

It's kind of shocked me that even when she sleeps so long, she's ready for bed at 8:00. When she was sleeping for 30 min, I thought she'd be a real crab at night, but she wasn't. Still goes down at 8:00 - no meltdown.

The other thing I've noticed is that when she takes a long nap, she's really restless at night and wants to nurse 3 or 4 times. This from the kid who, while she's never slept through the night on a regular basis, *was* only nursing once.

I've been told that changing sleep can change a kid's personality. I think I'll call Ms. Johnson on Monday and see what she thinks. Maybe I should have them wake her at 1 hour. I don't know. Maybe it's normal and just a part of the adjustment period, but I think there's something to this sleep thing.

Alright, I'm done for the night...and the week. I don't think we'll be able to get online while we're down there, so I'll have to (gasp!) take some time off from blogging. Whatever will I do?

Posted by cassy :: 7/15/2005 :: 4 Cheese Crumbles:

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I Miss My Girl

So here I sit at work taking this stupid mandatory lunch break and my heart hurts because I wish I were with my sweet girl. I want to know what she's doing, and if she's happy, what she's learning. I want a big hug and a slobbery open mouthed kiss. I want to hear her laugh, hold her if she's sad. I just freakin miss that little thing. I'm missing out on her life for most of her waking hours, and I hate it. I'm so outta here at the dot of 4:30, Mr. Bossman.

Posted by cassy :: 7/15/2005 :: 4 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.13.2005

One for the Record Books

Rylee threw a whale of a fit tonight. And about nothing more than sitting in her high chair. I mean screaming, throwing her self down, you name it and she was doing it. I have no idea why. Katie suggested that maybe she likes eating at her little table at school and just doesn't want her highchair any more. Maybe so....

She has slept for 2 hours at school the past two days! I have almost never gotten two hours out of her at home. I'll just take it as another sign that she's comfortable and adjusting well. =)

I need some good ideas for things to take to work for lunch. Stuff that's not too bad for me and easy to transport and requires no cooking! LOL.

I'm kind of mad at Mike, the bossman. He told me today that I need to work more 'standard business hours'. So either east coast - 7-4 or central - 8-5. I told him that I'd been leaving at 4 and not taking a lunch and he said that he has to offer me that - by law. Yes, I *know* that, but if I choose not to take it, what's the big deal. He said he's already been sued and lost over that issue. But gee whiz, if I'm choosing not to take it, I NOT going to sue, right? And besides what the heck am I going to do for an hour by myself in a place I don't know? I don't want an hour lunch. I WANT TO WORK 8 HOURS AND COME HOME!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!! If I do that I'll never actually see Ms Tenia at Rylee's school. She leaves a 5:00 and gets there at about 7:00. I'll have to drop Rylee at a quarter to 7:00 and won't get there til 5:15. That sucks. And he asked if I wanted to work this Saturday, since the store will be open. Nope, not really. I think I'm going to though, just to try to win some brownie points. I reminded him today that I'm going to be gone next week and he was kind of crabby about it. I really hope he doesn't change his mind about my going.

Looks like Emily is going to cooperate and head to Mexico. Yay!!!!

Posted by cassy :: 7/13/2005 :: 5 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.12.2005

Already?


Yep, my girl was born 15 months ago today. I was looking at some these pics that Katie took of her as her three month pictures and it dawned on me that that was a whole big year ago! She was so tiny and had no hair!! I'm so happy being her mommy, and I'm proud as punch of her. She still melts my heart when she wants her nigh-nigh. It makes me happy that we're still nursing, even thought it's only a couple of times a day. I'm hoping that it gives her immune system an extra boost against all these icky school germs. :)

So this FL trip might be off. Why do there have to be hurricanes?? We're going to watch it this week and just see how it goes. If that dumb Emily turns into a hurricane and goes to the gulf, we could be SOL. That sucks. I'm just now getting excited about it.

Our store is going to open this Friday! I'm really excited about it. It'll be great to get open and start making some money there. I am so drinking from a fire hydrant at work right now. There is sooooo much to do. It's great! I love what I'm doing and the people I work with.

Well, I'm going to sign off. It's 9:24 pm, so it's probably about bed time, right? ;-)

Posted by cassy :: 7/12/2005 :: 4 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.11.2005

Great Day


Sometimes my sweet girl really does get to me...in a good way. Like tonight. She has learned her name - Ry-wee. It's precious. She's also saying Uncle, for her uncle Chris. I usually refer to myself as 'mama', but tonight I asked her to say 'mommy'. Her reply was 'mee-moo'. Huh? Every time it was the same. It's strange how kids process things and then repeat them. Like Josh says 'memaw' for 'grammy', and Mia says 'Bessie' for 'Katherine'. I seriously think sometimes that Katherine is her great-grandma Bessie reincarnated and Mia somehow knows that. Anyway, nice to meet you. I'm Mee-Moo.

I love Rylee's school. Those ladies have made this process as absolutely easy as it possibly could have been. Tonight I got a sweet not from Ms. Tenia about Rylee. She assured me that she really is doing well, that she's smart and that they are enjoying having her there. She also gave me her cell phone number so that if I ever have any questions about Rylee's day I can call her anytime. Talk about above and beyond. Today they made kangaroos on popsicle sticks. You know I'm keeping all that stuff. She made a polar bear the other day.

I'm just honestly amazed by how much easier this has been - a week down the line - than I had imagined. I know Rylee is happy there. I love my new job. I'm not stressed anymore and I can completely give myself to Rylee when I'm home. It's awesome.

I thought I'd share a few of my favorite pics. I know the top one isn't great of either of us, but I like it. It's one of the few we actually have. Tomorrow that sweet girl turns 15 months and we're going to take nursing pictures. I can't wait.

This one is one of her while we were at the Aquarium back in June. She was by the huge tank with the manatees. Those things are HUGE!

Aren't these two just crazy? Rylee loves a bath and when Conan is taking one and she's anywhere around, she's going to try to jump in. I thought Katie did a good job getting both of them.

Posted by cassy :: 7/11/2005 :: 3 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.10.2005

I'm an Octogenarian

Why else would 10:00 feel like 2:00 AM? I'm telling ya, you know your life has changed when, at the time you used to be getting ready to go out, you're ready to konk out. Christina asked me the other day when she called at 5:00 and I was eating dinner if I was a geriatic patient. Thanks. I actually went to bed with Rylee at 8:45 the other day. It was still light out, for crying out loud!!

I feel so old, but at 10:17, I'm out.

Posted by cassy :: 7/10/2005 :: 3 Cheese Crumbles:

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Are you kidding me????

We ran to Target last night and my kid totally grossed me out. She had gotten out of the cart, because she likes to push it. Fine with me - it keeps her happy. So we're in the shoes and she's wandering around by me and goes and sits under that mirror thingy they have for you to check out your feet. Again, fine with me - she likes to sit under stuff and she was happy. I soon found out why. We're ready to leave and she crawls out and she is taking her had away from her mouth, so I look in there and there's a piece of chewed gum!!!! Ohmigosh, I just about hurled right there. I still get queasy when I think about it. I was so wishing I could spray her mouth with Lysol! Geez kid, must you put *everything* in your mouth?? No telling what kind of nasty germs were on that thing. Gross, gross, gross.

Speaking of germs...Rylee's first week at school apparently took a toll on her immune system because now she's got a runny/stuffy nose and just a tad of a fever. I just hope it goes away by tomorrow. She's got to be able to go to school. I have no plan B.

B is about ready to have that baby of hers. The doctor took her off of her Terbutaline on Friday and yesterday she was having contractions every 3-4 minutes. She's also dilated to about a 2. Whoo hoo! I'm excited to meet her little man. She better have it before we leave on Saturday for FL.

And speaking of THAT.....yes, Erin, I'm finally getting excited about it. She and I are going for a week to play at the beach in Destin. She spent about 100 hours researching where we should stay and she found a super cute (at least from the pictures anyway...) little cabin that we got a great deal on. It's going to end up being a really cheap week-long vacation. What about work, you ask? I told my boss when I accepted the job that I had a trip planned for this week. I didn't realize that I would be six months behind before I even started. But as Erin so kindly reminded me yesterday when I was talking about backing out....one more week isn't going to be that big of a deal when you're already 6 months behind. Easy for her to say, she's not going to come back to my inbox! LOL.

Rylee has now cut all four of her top teeth. Man, it takes that girl a long time. Her gums up there have been swollen since her birthday, almost three months ago. So, now she has her two on the bottom and just the tips of her top four.

Posted by cassy :: 7/10/2005 :: 2 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.07.2005

Ramblings

I'm a bad sister
Yesterday was Katie's birthday. No, I didn't forget. I called her from work and told her happy birthday. But I cannot for the life of me find a daggum cake stand for her...at least not one that looks like I want it to, so she got nuthin from me. She's kind of having a hard time with this one - it's the big 2-5! I'd like her to think it gets easier but nope. I will continue on my search for the perfect cake stand and when I find it, she will get it.

She's really a great sister. This pic was taken almost two years ago at her wedding. Sadly, we don't have many together since. It's been a pretty wild two years. We've both moved to Texas, had babies, moved in together, wanted to kill each other, laughed at our babies, cried with and at each other and in general gotten closer than ever. Now, Chris is talking about moving them back to Stillwater in a couple of years. How dare he!!! It's funny how time and a bit of maturity can change a realtionship. We did not get along at all growing up. In fact, she has some scars on her arm, thanks to me. But when we got uprooted and moved to Woodward, OK of all places, and had noone, we realized that we had each other. As crappy as that year was (that's a story for another day), it was great for our relationship. I'm so glad she's in my life and that she's Rylee's aunt. I just mention her to Rylee and the kid goes crazy, with smiles!

It's getting better...
Okay, I'm not panicking about work anymore. I have left at 4:00 for the past two days and it shaves quite a bit of time off the commute and gets me there about an hour and half earlier. Her teachers say that Rylee is adjusting well. I asked them quite bluntly today to tell me *really* how she's doing and everyone said that for a kid who's never been in full time child care, she's doing very well. Today, she was 'happy, chatty, curious and tired', according to her little sheet. She is eating well, but still only sleeps about 30 minutes. They've got 2 hours blocked off for it. While it's not ideal, I am feeling better about the situation. Although she still cries when I leave, they tell me it's only for about 2 minutes. It does suck to leave her while she's upset, though.

And I do really like the job, so that makes it a lot better. I'll be able to do lots of exciting things, but right now I feel like I'm drinking from a fire hydrant. I will not be bored for a very long time.

London...
What a shame. I heard about this on the way to work. At that time, the casualty total was only at 4. I feel badly for that city and country. I remember how it felt here on Sept. 11. Ick. I hope they get the jerks that did it.

TGIalmostF
I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.

Hey, Heathers!
And, big shout out to my Heather friends who I haven't heard from in a while! I love reading your comments. Keep posting them and let me know how the girls are! (We all have April '04 babies! =) )

Posted by cassy :: 7/07/2005 :: 7 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.05.2005

The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives...


Well, I like my job! Today was really great for me. I know first impressions aren't worth much, but so far, so good.

The thing that kills me is that Rylee was at school for eleven (count 'em 11) hours today. That's just too much. I got a whopping 2.5 hours with her before she went to sleep. I had a terrible time dropping her off and ugly cried so much that by the time I got to work, I had zero makeup left. And I'm not sure how happy she was. She didn't sleep there, which bugs me. It wouldn't be so bad if she were only there from 8-5, ya know? but factor in driving and it's an extra chunk of time.

I wish she could be picked up somehow at like 3:00 or so. I'm going to see if I can work from 8-4 and just not take lunch. That way, she's there an hour less. Still....10 hours is a lot too. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. 10 hours???? Waaahhhh!!!!!!

Posted by cassy :: 7/05/2005 :: 5 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.04.2005

The End of the Beginning


That's how tonight feels. I'm trying not to be too emotional about starting work tomorrow, but I am filled with both excitement and angst. In some ways I feel like I'm losing my girl. In others it feels like I'm giving her something new - a more stable home environment and an educational place to be when I can't be with her. And I'm excited to be starting a new job and the opportunities it brings me personally. I'll actually get to use my brain again.

I've done pretty well today. We played and had Kelly and Corbin over for a barbecue. Rylee is down so we're not going to watch fireworks. Go ahead call me unpatriotic. I'm not about to wake her. She didn't have a very good nap today and was pretty cranky there at the end. All in all, though it was a pretty good day. She did pop Corbin in the mouth with a toy, poor little guy.

It just feels like the end of the beginning of our lives together. It's been a great almost 15 months and I'm eternally grateful that I've been able to be home with her for so long. Lots of moms - single or not - are not so fortunate. I'm sure I'd feel this way whether she were starting preschool, kindergarten or college, and I know that eventually I would have to not be with her all the time anyway, but did it have to happen so soon? I miss her already. What's she going to do that I'm going to miss? Will they hold her as tightly and give her as much love as I do when she gets hurt? What if she can't get into a good routine about naps and it's always a struggle for her? Sheesh. Mommy guilt is already coming in fast and furious.

Someone told me the other day that I've just got to find a way to be okay with it. Sure. Easy for you to say.

Posted by cassy :: 7/04/2005 :: 8 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.03.2005

Button, Button, Who's Got The Button??

Um, that would be Rylee...in her diaper. Yep, I open up that bad boy and there's a cute little pink button staring me in the face. Huh? I've also found a tiny feather and a bug. Perfect.

I developed a roll of film today. Yes, film. I know, I know...I need to get a digital. My picture taking skills leave MUCH to be desired so no jokes.

We went to the pool today and now I have crispy shoulders. Rylee does not. Despite the fact that I keep sunscreen on her religiously, the little bugger is getting a very nice tan - as this new swim suit shows off. Must be that Mexican blood in her. Wish I could get me some of that. This one also shows what my NON binky baby does for fun.
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Katie and Chris have taken up “urban trekking”. They strap Conan in this contraption and walk around town….for like HOURS. Rylee and I have the same opinion of this particular physical activity.
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Sometimes these two actually like each other. Rylee tends to beat up on poor Conan. It’s tough to teach a kid to be gentle. She’s constantly pounding him on the head with her hand or whatever object she happens to be holding. As Kami said, he’ll probably be glad when she’s at school full time and quits picking on him. He is crawling now, so maybe being mobile will enable some self-preservation.
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Rylee is going to be the first Olympic Gold Medalist in the sport of naked rocking horse riding. She really does wear clothes most of the time.
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When I walked in this day, Katie, Rylee and Conan were all sweating. It’s like goat wrestling to try and get two crying kids to sleep, when they both want to be held. What a good mommy and aunt she is!

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And finally she’s out for the count, cuddling her Christmas present from Kendie and Joe. Sweet dreams, sugar!
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Posted by cassy :: 7/03/2005 :: 8 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.02.2005

Mommy Moment

You moms out there know exactly what I'm talking about. It's those times when, no matter what kind of wacky day you've had or how crazy your kid has been, when it's all over, you're in awe of the fact that it's your little person you're putting to bed.

Rylee has been kind of fussy for the last couple of days. Stupid mom that I am, it took me over a week to realize that what I thought was a diaper rash was really a yeast infection. I finally got some cream for it tonight. But on the way home - we had spent the afternoon at the mall - she was really content. Amid the singing and talking about animal sounds and counting, I told her she was being such a good girl and that it made "Mama happy". She stopped her chatter and said, " Mama...Boppy?" Talk about melting a mommy's heart. I don't know why but I got all choked up. A mommy moment.

It's funny when that feeling comes. It happens without warning and at the oddest times. I am struck with awe about motherhood and my daughter, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. To love someone so much it hurts is deep emotion and a point of no return. You can't go back. It's wonderful, frightening, humbling and exciting all at the same time.

I think motherhood brings you to your knees in so many ways. As someone once said, it opens up another part of your heart.

I love you Rylee. You make me boppy.

Posted by cassy :: 7/02/2005 :: 3 Cheese Crumbles:

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Happy Birthday, Joe!

Today is my little brother, Joseph's, 11th birthday. He's been with our family since he was 4.5. The poor guy had a pretty rough start. He was bounced around quite a bit and when we finally adopted him, we picked him up at a Burger King. No lie. They walked in, introduced themselves to us and left him with complete strangers in a BK. I will never forget seeing his little kakhi'd legs poke out of that SUV and walk his head full of blonde hair into the restaurant. He has the most remarkable blue eyes I've probably ever seen. When we asked him his name, he proudly responded, "I'm Joseph Scott Bunch" and proceeded to tell us that the was 4.5 years old.

That day we went to OKC and let him and Kendie play at some big playground land thing. He wanted us to sing, and sing we did. I think "Deep down in my heart" is still one of his favorite songs. Only now he comes much closer to actually hitting those deep bass notes!

There are so many little things I remember about those first days....his crazy little gallop that we called "doing the Joe". Him riding around like a wild man on Kendie's trike at the office. Those tight hugs when we went into restaurants because his poor little mind wasn't sure that he would leave with us.

We were told that he had "problems". That he had been biting, hitting, and messing his pants. We never once had those issues with him. He has been an amazing addition to our family. You've never seen a better brother/protector/defender than he is to his sister Kendie. He has taught me much. I marvel at his imagination and zest for learning. I laugh at his notebook of important formulas that he keeps so that when he's in college he doesn't forget them. He is such a tender young man....so nice to Rylee.

It had been over a year since I had last seen him before they all were here about three weeks ago for Brook's wedding. I could not believe how tall and handsome he had become. Such a little gentleman. When I saw him crying when they had to leave it almost killed me.

I love you Joseph! I'm so glad you're in my life. I can't wait to see what you become. May your notebook serve you well.

Posted by cassy :: 7/02/2005 :: 3 Cheese Crumbles:

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7.01.2005

Counting the days =(


Well, this is officially my last 'regular' work day off with Rylee before I go back to work. I keep vacillating on whether this is right or not. I do know I'm doing what I need to, but it's really tough. I take comfort in the fact that she is happy when she's at school and that she is her normal self at home.

Today was a crazy day. We went to lunch for Katie's birthday which is Wednesday. We had planned to go with Galena for Chinese, but then I thought I had to go to Grapevine (to meet Erin so that we could check out the carseat situation for the trip), so I cancelled on her, and then it ended up that I am going to go there tomorrow. So basically, nothing that I thought would happen today did. Ever have one of those days??

After lunch, since I didn't have to go anywhere, we decided to go watch The Longest Yard. Okay, how many times must I make the same mistake??? Rylee does NOT do well in movies. She spilled my drink on herself, took off her shoes, fussed and fidgeted, and in general frustrated the crap outta me (thank God for Lexapro!). So we got up and walked around. Katie had Conan out there too. Rylee was walking around - shoeless of course because they are on the floor in the theater - and got her feet totally black on the bottoms. Apparently, she drags the tops of her toes when she walks, because they are black too. Now, she's tooling around here saying "EEEWWWW" and looking at her piggies. Crazy chick.

Katie and Chris brought Cole home from Grandaddy's funeral with them and sent Taylor home with Granny, so he'll be here for a couple of weeks. Taylor won't be home for quite a while, since she's going on her trip with Granny about the same time we take off to Florida. It'll be close to a month til I see her again.

Speaking of Cole....he took this pic of Rylee when he was here last time. I think he did a marvy job, so I thought I'd share.

WHOA!!
It has just now dawned on me that we moved here exactly a year ago today. Has it really been that long? Sometimes it seems like we've been here forever and at others it feels like we just moved here. But I truly am happy in McKinney. I've met a great bunch of friends that I don't think I could live without. Of course I miss the people I left back in OKC, like Cassie and Mike, but we still talk and that makes it easier. I think this was a great move and new start for us. It's funny how life goes. I never expected that we'd be where we are today....what with me going to work and her starting school and all. Kinda makes ya go hmmmm. Life is full of surprises, but that's what is supposed to make it fun, right?

Posted by cassy :: 7/01/2005 :: 9 Cheese Crumbles:

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