Cheese With Your Whine?
9.26.2005
There IS good in my worldAnd that is my punkin. God, I love her. No matter how shitty the day was - and believe me, today ranks way up there on the shitty scale - she still loves me.
Tonight after I fed her a delicious meal of a hot dog and applesauce (I didn't eat b/c I was still too pissed off at jackass), we sat down on the couch. A little bit later, I went and got myself my healthy dinner of Applejacks and toast. Rylee of course can let no good milk-filled bowl go unexplored, so she joined me on my lap and ate some too. I had a mommy moment then and sat there smelling her hair and rubbing her back and just telling her I love her. She took a bite and laid back on me and gave me a huge hug. I think she knew I needed her. What a cool kid.
When we were finished sharing cereal, I told her that I was going to go put our paper toast plate in the trash. She looked at me and said, "I'll do it!" Three word sentences? Check. I know she's supposed to do all these things, but when she has actual conversations with me, I get a little freaked out.
I was telling Kellie tonight that there are still times I can't believe she's my little person. And she's becoming such a big girl, with all her words, and expressions, and silliness. I'm in tears for a totally different reason tonight than I was this morning. I never imagined that as far into being a mom as I am that I'd still be in awe of that little girly and still get choked up and boo hoo bawl just because. Does it ever go away, or only get better? I hope it's the latter.
I didn't think I could love her any more than I did those first few days. But I do. I never imagined that I'd be more 'into' her than I was then. But I am.
G'night punkin. Mommy loves you.
