Cheese With Your Whine?
8.23.2005
To The Men In My WorkplaceThere are two bathrooms in this facility – both clearly marked as to who should enter. When you see the one marked “Women”, read it as “Whoa, Men! Can't come in!” If for some bizarre reason your room is occupied and you cannot wait the two seconds it takes to pee standing up and think you MUST (as in this is an emergency!!) use mine (the only testosterone-free 5 sq. ft. in this whole building), please for the love of all things holy, put the seat down. I hope I don’t need to remind you that I am a member of the unfortunate sex of our species that must actually place its hindparts on the seat to take care of business. If I have to bend over and touch that thing one more time with my hands, one of you will lose his man parts – mark my words. Also, if you do invade my space, do not bring cups with you. Thinking about what in God’s name you are doing with a cup in my bathroom makes my uvula quiver and I don’t like that.
One more thing – if you remove ice cubes from a tray, the polite thing to do is refill it. Try it sometime.
