1.31.2006
Deep breath out...As bad as last week was, this week has been that great. Rylee and I had a great night last night. She was full of hugs, kisses and cuddles. Bedtime went off without a hitch and she only fussed for about 10 minutes for mommy milk in the night.
It's really interesting how we feed off of each other. When one is happy the other generally is. The opposite is also true. I had somewhat forgotten what the warm fuzzies felt like with her. But now they are back in full force!
Aunt Katie is going to come pick her up from school tomorrow and take her back with her so that I can work late tomorrow night and Thursday. I'll go get her after work on Friday. I already miss her; it will be our first time apart with the exception of a couple of nights when she was 3 months old. I'm sure I'll be a crying blubbering mess when I leave her at school in the morning. The break will be nice, even if it is only to work an ungodly amount of hours. But I'll miss her. Like crazy.
I love you, Punkin. Lots.
1.29.2006
Let me introduce you...To the coolest 13-year-old around:
That would be my niece, Taylor. And yes, that picture was blatantly stolen from my sister's blog. So there.
Rylee and I have had a rough week - probably the toughest on record. I'm struggling with needing my space, with cosleeping and with feeling like I'm just a boob to her. It really feels like the only thing she wants from me is to have her mommy milk. I'm just touched out. I need to have a few moments of someone not needing me.
It starts as soon as I pick her up at school. "Hold you, mama!" "Mommy milk" "Get up!" "Read book"...and on and on.
Several times this week, I have wanted to run far, far away. So, I've decided to start the weaning process. I'm very torn about it all. She still wants it - a lot - but I just don't think I can do it. Thursday night, it took until 10:30 to get her down because she would wake up every time I pulled her off. I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ANYMORE!
Officially, the day was yesterday. No mommy milk during the day, only when she's going to sleep and not during the night. Man, oh man, did I get a run for my money. She cried during the night for 2.5 hours!!!!! Mind you, I was right there, trying to comfort and cuddle, rub her back and sing (yes, we all know what she thinks of my voice, but still....), and it did not matter. About 20 minutes in, I was tempted to give in, but had to win the battle. After 2 hours, I was ready to slit my throat.
Today was a bit tough too, she asked for it and it took 30 minutes of crying to get her to nap. I'm so not looking forward to tonight. Ugh.
Back to Taylor.... Last night, Katie and Chris went out and I kept both of those cuties up there, Taylor and Conan, for them. Rylee had so much fun!!! Taylor was a lifesaver. She can entertain her better than I can anyday. Rylee was actually belly laughing - something that I haven't heard in a few days.
Today we got up and lounged around a bit and then at Taylor's suggestion, we cleaned out my car. Now, if you've ever taken a ride in my garbage-mobile, you know it's not exactly clean. Ever. But we tackled it and after I got all of the crap out of it, Taylor vacuumed it for me. I mean seriously vacuumed it. It probably took her over an hour to get it all done.
What other 13 year old would do that kind of thing...just because? And you should see her with these kiddos. She just gets it. And they love her.
It made me kind of sad to see how happy Rylee was with her. Only because I realized that she had been feeding off of my frustration this week and had just been a booger. (Speaking of boogers, I called her one this week, and she promptly proceeded to stick her finger up her nose, pull one out and say, "Pick booger!" Who teaches them this crap?)
I'm very blessed to have Taylor in my life. She's an awesome kid. She came into our lives as a spirited 6 year old. Fast forward 5 years and her daddy marries my sister and BAM! we're all a family. She's had a tough go of it in life. Talk about things not always being fair. But she's handled it well. She's doing great in school, and just brought home a straight A report card!!!
I'm so proud of her.
CRAP!! Mommy milk is calling. I'll finish this in a bit. Or 3 hours. Whatever it takes to get my munchkin to sleep. Ugh.
Um, yeah. Guess who just went to sleep without a fight??
That ends this rant. 'Night all.
1.25.2006
Lessons from an almost-two-year-oldLesson 1: I don't sing very well.
We're adjusting our nighttime routine since she now has her big girl bed (well, just mattress really - the rest is coming shortly). Rylee gets a bath and then to facilitate her sleeping in her own bed for at least a few hours, I lie down with her and sing, tell stories and rub her back until she falls asleep.
The past few nights, when I'm singing, she opens her eyes wide up and says "No sing, Mama." Thanks Rylee. You've confirmed my requests for my next life - a better voice, longer legs and bigger boobs.
Lesson 2: I spend too much time at Wal-Mart.
That kid can recognize a Wal-Mart from any direction as soon as it comes into eyesight. And if I dare just drive by, well, you'd think I was killing the poor kid.
Lesson 3: There's something cool about how I say the word pancakes.
The other night when I got the ix-nay on singing, she said she wanted a story. Not feeling very creative, I figured I'd tell her about her sperm donor and the story behind him. Granted, she doesn't get it, but that's the beauty. I don't have to think about it, but it's words coming out of my mouth and she doesn't have to know exactly what they mean.
The story involves pancakes. Get your mind out of the gutter....it involved EATING pancakes. Nothing else.
As soon as I got the word out, she said, "Pankcakes?" I told her that that was in fact what I had said and from then on, after about every line or so, she would say, "Pancakes?". I would have to repeat it and then I could go on. This is how a typical story in our house goes now:
ME: There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
R: Pancakes?
Me: Pancakes.
Me: She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
R: Pancakes?
Me: Pancakes.
And on and on. I've never been so sick of saying a word in my life!
1.24.2006
Seriously, Ladies.Cubicle etiquitte. Talk softly, or the rest of us are gonna go ghetto on your asses. Please?
1.23.2006
YAWN!I can't sleep. I don't know why. Maybe it's all the crap from the past that my brain suppresses while it's in full control and then it comes oozing out when I'm unconscious blessing me with funky dreams and restlessness. I'm tired. I need Lunesta.
There was not enough sleep this weekend and today I'm in training - training I really need - and I can't stay awake.
Red Bull here I come.
1.21.2006
RandomnessThis post won't flow well, so stop reading if that bothers you.
A guy at work showed me his form from the INS that he had to fill out to apply for U.S. citizenship. It had all the standard questions, but then there were some questions about appearance.
**Eye color:
1. Blue
2. Green
3. Hazel
4. Brown
5. Black
6. Pink
7. Maroon
8. Other
No kidding. I would like for all of you who have pink or maroon eyes out there to leave a comment. Who writes these forms?
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Nakey
Rylee would live this way. I seriously think I'm raising a future stripper. That kid rips the velcro open on her diaper, tears it off and then throws it. I never did actually get her dressed today (me neither) because we didn't leave the house. She was nakey damn near all day. If she had her way I would have been too. Apparently nudity loves company. "Mommy naked." No, mommy isn't going to be naked all day. Sorry.
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Picasso I am not
My friend from Mtown came over last night and we created some art for Rylee's room to match the kick ass quilt that her mom made for Rylee. **Side note: She has the cutest 5 month old baby by I've seen in a long time.
Anyway, we had some extra canvasses so we let Rylee and her 3 year old paint some as well. We won't get rich selling them, but we had a blast watching them go at it. Rylee loved it, and now I have a painting that I can hang in her room that she did. It even has a handprint on it.
I took some pictures of what we did. Won't get rich selling those either, but they look good. Tomorrow we're going to IKEA to get Rylee's big girl bed so that I can finally get her room really put together.
Our co-sleeping time is nearing an end.
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Help!
Call me lazy or whatever you want, but I hired a housekeeper. This place is kicking my ass. I am struggling big time to cook dinner, stay on top of laundry, vacuum (this is not helped by the fact that my kid is terrified of the thing) and everything else that come with running a household when I can't even start any of that til I get home at 6:30.
When I do get home, I want to spend some quality time with the Punkin, and have to give her a bath and all that.
When she goes to bed at 8:30 or 9:00, I'm so exhausted I just want to crash on the couch or at the computer.
So, for $45 every two weeks the heavy stuff will be taken care of. Hallelujah! Her first day is Monday. It can't come soon enough.
So,Kami had a post like this not too long ago. A clear the air and establish just exactly who's webspace this is post.
I was browsing my sitemeter account and saw that there were a ton of people coming to see me from a Wired Seniors discussion. My curiosity was piqued, so I clicked over there to see me getting reamed for language and (gasp!) going out to Bon Jovi and talking about how great he and his drummer looked.
According to 'my seniors' I should be ashamed of my language, and OMG, where was the kid when she was going out?
She was by herself at home with a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes. I mean who doesn't do that? Gawd.
For the love of all things holy people....I don't care what you think. I don't feel like I have to justify an occasional night out (okay so why am I writing this? Maybe I do.)
Shit, people.
Of course, I had to join their little group and let them know that I found them out.
1.19.2006
(Real) Good times in MommylandThis is my version of Thankful Thursday because it's all about the Punkin. I'm so very lucky to have such a cool kid. (Shut up, I can hear the groans all the way over here...). Today I'm particularly grateful for this about her:
1. Her cute little voice and growing vocabulary. I got a "Yub yoo, Mommy" today out of the blue while we were in the car. Melts my heart right to mush.
2. The accent she has picked up. I know they're not really good for kids to have, but I'm sure she'll outgrow it. For now, she makes lots of syllables into two, and it's cute.
"Oh, May-un" Thank you Dora and Swiper. (Oh, man!)
"Din-oh-sow-ur" (Dinosaur)
3. Unsolicited hugs and kisses.
4. Her excitement to see me when I pick her up at school. Regardless of the craapy day I've had, THAT makes me feel good.
5. Learning how to love and be loved unconditionally. It's funny the things that our kids teach us when we're supposed to be doing the teaching.
More puke. I got it before we left, had to reshower and took her to school anyway, because I had things to do. Got there for a whole hour and got a call that I had to go get her.
Anyone know how to get vomit out of a feather bed?
Good times, man. Good times.
1.18.2006
Workin for a livinI love my job. Got some great news today. I can't really elaborate, but I'm so freaking excited!
I have to say though, that I am becoming more and more bothered by our employees dying. We lost two more today. They even talked about it on the local news tonight. Why tonight and none of the other times, I don't really know.
I think I'm going to start sending these messages I get to the White House so that Dumbass can see he's killing real people with families and a history. And people who are not in his military and who don't answer to him as Commander and Chief - what a joke that is.
I cannot stand him.
The last 12 hours of my life went something like this:
1. Use car headlights in garage (b/c light is out) to see to break down moving boxes.
2. Put Rylee down for bed.
3. Go back outside to move car to change light bulb.
4. Find out car won't start.
5. Email boss and tell her I will be late.
6. Get to bed late b/c of "Sweet Cherry Pie"
7. Experience one of the joys of cosleeping - a child puking TWICE in my bed.
8. Get up this morning, take a shower with Rylee.
9. Dress.
10. Go to garage to use friend's car that's parked there to go to Wal-mart.
11. Experience the joy of trying to stuff a huge carseat into the back of an itty-bitty car.
12. Drive to Wal-mart.
13. Buy jumper cables and go home.
14. Jump car and in the process get shit all over my pants and have to change my clothes.
15. Lug carseat out of afore mentioned small car and transfer back to my car.
16. Look down and discover that I'm OUT of gas.
17. Curse because gas stations don't take temp checks and I don't have new debit card yet.
18. Silently thank the MILF for giving me a Wal-mart gift card so that I can fill up.
19. Drive BACK to Wal-mart, get gas.
20. Drop Rylee off.
21. Remember that I forgot to leave her butt cream for diaper rash.
22. Turn around go back and drop it off.
23. Cross the Lake Worth Bridge and discover flashing lights behind me.
24. Try to beg my way out of a ticket.
25. Sign the fucking ticket and drive to work.
There is not enough Lexapro in the whole damn world for this shit. That is ticket number 2 in a month. If only I could have shown him some boob. Damn sweater.
Note to self: Get off the gas, stupid!
1.17.2006
Grow upSeriously, neighbor, blasting "She's My Cherry Pie" at midnight on a Tuesday is not cool.
Call me old, whatever. Just stop it.
I've never worked at a place that had employees killed on a regular basis. Now I do. We do a lot of support work for the military, specifically in Iraq doing shit for this goddamned war. I would say that at least two or three times a week, we get an email that ANOTHER of our employees was killed when an armored truck was bombed or by a suicide bomber.
This is the stuff that you don't see on the news every night. You don't hear about the non-military people who are giving their lives to protect our dumbass president and his crusade to save the world from non-existent WMD's.
Fucking war.
1.16.2006
WelcomeLast night was the best night of my life. For real. Bon Jovi kicked ass! It was all I could have expected and more.
Kami and I both decided that we could do either Bon Bon or Richie. Hell we could even share 'em. Oh and the drummer?? Fuckin hot!
She took a bunch of pics so click on over there and take a look. I copied on from her blog since she has her little copyright on it and I didn't want to post some of her other stuff for the whole world to steal. I am now a major believer in her BAMF. God, it took some great pics.
It was the greatest show ever. He actually walked through the crowd when he sang Bed of Roses. Some chick was ugly crying over getting to touch him.
So, the things I expected:
1. Great, entertaining show. Check.
2. Jon and Richie looking too hot for words. Check.
3. Lots of crazy screaming fans. Check.
4. Singing all the good oldies. Check.
Here's the part I didn't expect
1. A super hot drummer!
2. A little song called Welcome to Wherever You Are. I hadn't heard it before, but I swear the man was singing to me. Check it out:
Maybe we're all different but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be
If you feel alone and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are
When everybody's in and you're left out
And you feel you're drowning in the shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it's seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different; just take a look around
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
Right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
Be who you want to be
Be who you are
Everyone's a hero
Everyone's a star
When you want to give up and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect;
God makes no mistakes
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
Right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
And I say welcome…
I say welcome…
Welcome…
Is that not awesome? They had me in tears with this one.
I think I have a new mantra.
Good night, Bon Bon and thank you for an amazing night. If you ever decide you'd like to settle down in Texas (shit, who am I kidding...I'd settle for a one nighter), just go ahead and leave a comment on this here blog and we'll hook up! Til then, I guess I'll just have to dream about ya. YOU ROCK!!
Oh, and thanks to Kami. Girl, you were so much fun!
1.14.2006
Have a Nice Day!
Isn't he freakin hot??? Mrs. Dallas K and I are going to see him and the gang tomorrow night and I cannot wait!!!!
I think I'll go practice teasing my hair.
1.11.2006
Say WHAT??Tomorrow is the 12th, which means that my baby - my BABY!! - will be 21 months old, which means that she is only 3 months from turning 2. I almost can't even write that.
TWO.
TWO.
I did okay with her turning one. It was bittersweet, but it was exciting at the same time. Two sucks. There's no baby left. She's a big girl who doesn't need her mama much.
She walks around telling me things in full sentences. Tells me to 'get up' when she wants something.
Breathe, Cassy. This is normal. This is good.
1.10.2006
Tagged!Thanks to Erin....here are the 'structions!
List 5 weird things about myself then tag 5 people. Let those 5 people know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. I'm not gonna tag. =P
1. I'm anal about my closet. Everything needs to be organized by type and then by color. Gray short-sleeved t-shirts should not be grouped with long-sleeved shirts or other gray items. It grates on my last nerve to see things all mixed up. I can't stand to not know exactly where to go to find something in my closet. I mean, how do you remember everything you own if it's not organized? It's strange because I'm not a neat freak at all - it's pretty much the only thing I'm anal about.
2. I'm becoming a serious germaphobe. It just eeks me out to think about all the germs in my life - the handles in restrooms, stair rails, the common kitchen area at work, touching papers that other people bring me. Ewww. I just have to block it out and not think about it.
3. I hate showering and getting dressed and all that jazz. I do it, mind you, but I don't like it. I would love to just be able to get up and go, not have to mess with getting wet, then dry and putting on my face, blah, blah, blah. The really odd thing is that I hate being dirty, too. I can't stand to not be clean. I just don't like atually getting that way. It's probably more the whole time crunch and that on weekdays I have to get up so much earlier to do it all. I don't like to bathe Rylee either. We do it *at least* every other, sometimes every, night, but it's just a PITA.
4. I wish I could be nudist and still do the things I do. I hate wearing clothes. It's not that I'm so comfortable with my body or that I'm bootylicious or anything. I just wish it were socially acceptable to be naked, because I would be!
5. I never balance my checkbook. And I'm an accountant.
1.05.2006
Thankful ThursdayI am blessed. Very blessed. Here's my list for today:
1. My job. The boss is wonderful, I like the work, and the other people here are nice.
2. Rylee is feeling better and free of objects in her nose
3. Arbonne’s Herbal Foot Care. I am out of deodorant, and have had not time to go to Wally World and get some. I had heard that this stuff will work in a pinch, so I tried it yesterday, scared silly that I’d have to run out and get some deodorant mid-morning before the stench became unbearable. But no…it actually worked. I will say that it is NOT an anit-perspirant, but damn it all if it isn’t a freaking great deodorant. I think I just found me some new pit juice.
4. Erin, who is watching Rylee tonight because I have to work late.
5. Planning out next trip to FL this summer. Can you believe that she’s already looking at cabins and such?
5. Coffee. For some reason, I’ve become a coffee drinker since starting this job. Dilute that shit with enough cream and sweet n low and it’s damn good
1.03.2006
Every kid does it at least once...At least that's what they tell you when you take your kid to the urgent care center because she's shoved something up her nose.
Friday night, we were sitting on the couch. I was reading her a book, and she was wiping her nose with a baby wipe. She was sick that day, so she was getting lots of TLC and mommy time. About half way through a book I looked down and the wipe was gone. GONE.
I laid her back and saw that she has put about a quarter of it up her nose. Stupidly, I tried to retrieve it and of course pushed it farther up there. I could still see it, though, and I still think that with tweezers I could have pulled it out.
But that was not what the stars had in mind. About that time, Rylee rammed her finger up her schnoze and shoved the wipe so far up her nose that I could no longer see it.
At this point, I am trying to decide what a logical thing to do would be. Let's see...I could:
1) Leave it there, and hope she sniffs hard enough that it goes down her throat and she swallows it. But then what if it happens in her sleep and she chokes? And what if it gets infected and her nose falls off b/c I didn't want to seem silly?
2) Try to get a pair of tweezers and dig around up my kid's nose for a foreign object that I can no longer see. Um. No.
3) Take her somewhere and have a professional deal with it.
I chose 3. I walked into the urgent care place and explained that I wasn't sure if I should be there of not, but that my kid just put about a quarter of a baby wipe up her nose. She called the nurse out, and he took us back, looked up her nose and disappeared.
He returned a short while later with bad news ("I'm going to piss of your daughter because the doctor says we HAVE to get that out of there") and good news ("We're not even going to bother checking you in or making you pay anything."). I'll take it.
So, within a matter of less than 30 minutes, we were back in the car, on the way home to our half cooked chicken I had taken out of the oven on our way out the door, ready for whatever stunt the Punkin would pull next.
1.01.2006
Hello World!!FINALLY!!! I have DSL at home! It's not in the right room yet, b/c I don't have a phone jack in there, but this is certainly better than nothing. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've had the Internet at home. I missed you, friend!
So, let's play catch up. Christmas was a blast with the Punkin. She was so fun this year, which makes it all worth it. I should have pictures soon, if I can get Katie to send them to me.
I love my job!!!! It's been a very long time since I've been able to say that. My boss is awesome. Rylee was sick on Thursday and Friday. Her school called me and said she was running a fever of at least 102 (they pulled the thermometer out at that point) and that I had to come get her. Then of course Friday she couldn't go back b/c it had been less than 24 hours. So I called in to my boss and told her what was going on and she was completely cool with it and told me to just do what I needed to do to take care of my baby. Old bossman could learn a thing or two about that. But maybe it's different because this boss is a HER and has btdt when it comes to a sick kid.
I just can't tell you how happy I am in this new job. It's the type of accounting I like, the people I work with and for are super, and the commute isn't bad. The company is actually moving in March, which is why I chose to move where I did. When that happens, I'll be less than 20 minutes from home, to Rylee's school, to work. Suuhhhweeeeetttt!!!!!
Speaking of Rylee, she loves her new school. She's much happier here than she was at Primrose. They are wonderful.
So last night was NYE....we went back to McKinney and spent the night with Kelly. We put the kiddos down and then we adults had some fun. It was great to be able to relax, drink some wine and not have to worry about Rylee and her being with someone else, or driving home, or any of the other hoohaw that goes along with going out. It was just an all around good time. Kelly, though, did not get "schnookered" like she said she was going to. Lightweight. ;-)
I can't believe it's 2006. I remember all the fuss about Y2K and thinking that that was just a little bit ago, but it was 6 whole years!!! Time is really flying. I'm gonna be a grandma before I know it.