Cheese With Your Whine?
8.31.2005
I'm NOT Cass!!!It irritates the crap out of me when people feel free to call me shorten my name to Cass from Cassy. People like the phone guys who are testing out the new phone system today.
"Cass, can you call me again - this time from line 2?"
"Cass, go ahead and try to call a long distance number?"
"Can you check your voice mail now, Cass?"
My name is Cass-Y!!! You do not have my permission to be chummy with me.
Other things you, phone person, may not call me:
1. Babes
2. Sweet
3. Pretty lady
You also may not touch my shoulders or hair. My sitting at my desk typing in no way gives you any hint that I want to be touched. The fact that you are in my office does not give you the right to touch me.
Also, your hat that says "Searching for Hooters" grosses me out. It's not funny. It's lame and you are lame.
Do it again, and you will feel the wrath of Cassy. I swear. Take your hat and go elsewhere.
8.30.2005
I did it...sort ofI worked late tonight, because I felt guilty about not being there yesterday. Bossman was pissed off at me, big time. Freak. It's not like there's much of a plan B when your kid starts yaking at 1:00 in the morning.
Rylee and I both slept like a rock last night and we had no more vomit - thank goodness - so she went to school today. Katie picked her up for me since I wasn't going to be home til late. The poor girl hates to come home and find I'm not here. Katie called me and she was crying "Mee-moo, Mee-moo." Talk about making you feel special and like crap all at once.
When I got home I made a sandwich and fed Rylee and then decided, what the hell, it's time to start walking. I can't put it off any longer. So even though my exercise buddy, Kelly, was at class bettering her mind, I set out with Rylee in the jogging stroller and me in my new shoes.
All was well until about 5 minutes into my brisk stroll when I realized that the girls where not in a bra, because it and my shoes are immediately discarded upon entering my house. Small and flabby as my sorry excuse for boobs are these days, they can still manage to bounce around and hurt like crazy. You'd think they would at least have the decency to bounce in sexy unison. Nope.
I persisted, though, and walked for about twenty minutes until I just couldn't take it any more. Not exactly what I had in mind but it's a start. 20 minutes are better than no minutes.
Rylee was hoping for more too. When we walked up to the door, she started yelling "NO! No! No!" From then on out, it has been holy hell to try and get her to do anything. I don't know why sometimes the smallest things are made into huge ordeals. I should have grabbed a bra and sprinted right back out the door.
I know this picture does not prove that I actually exercised. It does however, show you Rylee's opinion of being brought back inside.
8.29.2005
UpdatesFirst, baby update:
We went to the pediatrician today and he says the she probably has some kind of bug. Of course I made the mistake of giving her yogurt (I thought it would HELP, not make her urp.) He says no solids for 24 hours and that if she didn't throw up again by tomorrow morning that she'd be find to go to school.
After the doc, we went to lunch with Katie. She slept for all but about 10 minutes. Then when we got home, she crashed for almost 4 hours! After she woke up, we cuddled and then she vomitted again. GRRRR!!! I hope we're not dealing with rotovirus and that it's just stinky puke.
This really leaves me up a creek. My boss is already being pissy about my being gone one day. He'll really have a fit if I miss tomorrow b/c there's a big meeting scheduled that I've got to be at. So, as it stands right now, if she doesn't puke anymore tonight, I'm going to take her to school. If need be, Katie can go get her for me. If she does puke tonight, I'm just going to leave her with Katie. I feel badly about that, considering that she already has one to take care of and adding another one who's sick isn't going to be a bed of roses for her. I seriously appreciate her offer to help, though. The really bad thing is that I'm not going to be able to be with my girl when she's sick and that sucks - big time.
Other stuff:
No go on the other job. Apparently they want someone who does NOT have government experience. Boo hiss.
And, some of you know that I've been planning to buy a house in Jan. Well, my credit is worse than I thought and they can't do much for me as it is right now. But, they can of course recommend someone who will only charge me $600 to fix my credit to the tune of 150 points in one month. (BTW, this is another thing that I'm bitter about concerning my past. Before I left, I had awesome credit. Then I had to live on nothing but credit and now it's in the toilet. But that's really neither here nor there. I've just gotta deal, right?)
So anyway, now I've got to decide whether to stay here in this house, sharing it with Katie and Chris or if I want to try to have this guy fix my credit and qualify to buy a house. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I really want my own place and I abhor the idea of living in an apartment for a year, paying out the nose for it when I can stay here and save lots of money and then have more to put down, etc. But I hate living with people. That's totally not a slam on my sister and brother-in-law, but I just despise not having my own space. So do I suck it up for another year and then really be able to do what I want, or try to force it now and maybe come up short anyway???
On a happier note, here are some pictures Katie took of us blowing bubbles the other day.
I guess I think that by holding my mouth the right way, she'll somehow get it. How much more goofy could I look?? Oh, and what's up with that section of hair doing it's own thing? Someone should TELL you when you look like that.
Rylee is fascinated by the whole bubble process, and watches intently to try to figure this out how it all works.
Something else funny....She and Conan both love to twirl around in my office chair. Taylor has taught them this and Rylee will say "Weeeeeee!" when she goes around. It's pretty fun to watch. And no, my baby is not a binky baby. She just likes to play with them sometimes. They both look drunk, don't they?
OMG! I just looked over at this kid and she has got lipstick all over her face. She's been sitting here handing me things out of my makeup bag and I guess decided to apply a bit before passing it along. If my camera weren't out of batteries, you'd see a picture.
Man, I love that kid. Now I think she is almost ready to go down for what I hope is a vomit free night.
NO PUKE, NO PUKE!
We're gonna puke around the clock today! Ick.
It started at 1:00 this morning. I heard her coughing, so I reached over to check on her and my arm slid through breastmilk puke....stinky stuff. So I got up tore the sheets off and threw a big blanket down on the bed. Next think I know, she had urped her mac and cheese from last night. Then again. And again. Finally, I got up went downstairs with a blanket, a towel and a trash can. Of course she wouldn't puke in the can, so I had to catch.
By about 7:00, we both reaked to high heaven, and I called the bossman to tell him what was going on. He was none too happy. My thought was to get her to the doc and then go from there. But she was doing very well, playing and happy, so I just took her to school and called Boss from the car and told him I was on my way.
I didn't even make it to the freeway before her school called and said she had thrown up there. Nice. Boss calls me on the cell for a conference call I had no idea about and asks, "So anything else?" I tell him that Rylee had vomitted at school and I have to go get her. He says something shitty, like "That's what I thought.". So now he's a bit miffed b/c I'm not there and wants to make sure that I make other arrangements for tomorrow. Umm...yeah. That's *really* easy for a single mom to do. Jerk.
So now, I'm home, waiting until 11:15 when we can get into her doctor. The thing that kills me is that she's not running a fever and doesn't act sick. She just pukes out of the blue for no apparent reason and with no warning. And peeeeyooo! That stuff reaks.
Ah, the joys of motherhood. I actually love how cuddly she is when she doesn't feel well. She just loves on me and wants me to hold her. It's awesome. That, by the way is the other unconditional love in my life. I love my girlie.
8.28.2005
Sunday night bluesI don’t really like Sunday nights. I just get this empty, lonely, depressed feeling. I suppose it’s a combination of dread of Monday and another long week and the idea that the weekend and the freedom it brings it over. Whatever it is, it sucks.
It’s times like this that I long for a close family so that I could pick up the phone and whine to my mother. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Some of you know the details, most of you don’t, but the short version is that I have a stepdad I hate, a mother I don’t talk to, a bio dad that wasn’t around for 12 years and now that he is, isn’t really a dad, but more of an old guy I talk to on the phone sometimes. I really long for the close family that I see so many of my friends have. That unconditional love that most families provide and those very few people who always have your back no matter what. Most of the time, I’m okay with it, but sometimes it really hits hard and it just bites.
I was talking to someone about this whole thing the other day this is what she said about it:
“Cassy, we don’t get to pick our bio families and when they aren’t all we want or need we have to go find other people who can be like family to us. So you have it best. You’ve found people who love you like family and you got to pick ‘em.”
Wow. It took a minute for what she said to sink in and then the light bulb came on. She was absolutely right. I have a wonderful ‘family’ and I chose them. How cool is that?
Before I left home, I was a very frustrated and angry person. I didn’t allow myself to hurt because that made me feel vulnerable, so instead I got angry and I kept busy – very busy. I let my entire self esteem come from what I DID not who I was. I was proud of the fact that I was young and taking a very active part in running a multi-million dollar company. I liked that I had a life people wanted – lots of money, driving a ‘Vette, traveling, etc. I let what I liked about myself come from that, not who I was, because who I was was miserable. It was very empty and I always felt like a huge something was missing.
All that changed on a Friday morning when I packed my suitcase, drove 45 miles to the nearest ‘big’ city and stayed in a hotel for the weekend while I got a job waiting tables and found an apartment.
Now all of the sudden, I had none of those things I liked about myself and my source of self-esteem was gone. The big job was gone, the ‘Vette was gone. So was the Lexus. No more traveling and shopping. Instead I was serving people fish at Red Lobster and wondering who the hell I was. I finally hurt for the years of things that I had just been angry about, and I hit bottom, self-medicating with alcohol, sex and partying. I still didn’t like who I WAS, and now I didn’t like what I did either – not really way down deep inside. It was all fun on the outside and in the moment, but it too was very empty, just like before.
Enter Rylee. When I found out I was pregnant, I hit an even lower bottom, because now I had NOTHING that I had been using to make me feel ‘better’. I sure couldn’t party – drinking and smoking were out. My so called friends disappeared and I was desperately alone.
So I sat around and had huge amounts of guilt for things I had done, anger at my past and fear about the future. How was I going to take care of a baby? What if I screw her up? All the things first time moms think about.
When I decided to move here when Rylee was 2.5 months old, I felt like it would be a fresh start in a new place. And what a blessing it has been. I have found my “family”. I truly have people in my life who love me. And you know what? I finally do too. It’s amazing what hearing the words, “I’m your friend and I love you no matter what” will do for a girl’s ‘real’ self esteem.
This handful of wonderful people have taught me how to love myself and that I am worth loving for and in spite of who I am and everything that I’ve done. Do you know how refreshing it is to hear that for the first time in your life, at 27 years old?
I’m reminded of the Whitney Houston song, “The Greatest Love” when she says that the greatest love is learning to love yourself. That’s really true. Loving Rylee comes easy to me…so easy. Loving her mama is not.
Thanks to the love shown to me by my TRUE friends, I am finally at a place where I like me. Not in an arrogant way. There are lots of things about me I want to change and that I’m working on, but all in all I like me. Just for me, not what I do or don’t do. For who I AM. I’ve discovered the greatest love. I’ve said it for a long time, but I honestly don’t think you can love someone else wholeheartedly in a healthy way until you love yourself. Now I actually believe it and can do it.
To my friends – my ‘family’ – thank you. You know who you are and some of you aren’t even in this super cool blogging world. But thank you. Thank you for showing me unconditional love. To those of you who over the past few weeks have been there at a moment’s notice on the phone or to help out with my minor crisis, thank you so much. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know and I love you.
I guess this kind of turned into a ramble. But I will say this: as bad as Sunday nights suck, I have much to be thankful for. I don’t have a mom I can call, but I have people who genuinely love me. I have an awesome daughter that I don’t deserve. I’ve got a good job, working vehicle, nice place to live and I and those I love are healthy. What more could a girl want?
Not much, I guess, but I still hate Sunday nights. ;-)
8.27.2005
What the flock?So why the hell is all of my info now down at the bottom of my page??? Someone with more html know-how than I have, please help!!! Oh, and spammers have finally hit, so I had to do the word verification thing. Sorry...it sucks.
8.26.2005
Simple Math$1.50 + $3.50 = $5.00.
Today I had to make the lovely trip to the gyno. I'll spare you the details why. I left work at 11:00, knowing that I had an appointment at 11:45. I got in my POS car and my tank is empty. I vaguely remembered this from this morning on the way to work, but of course had forgotten by the time I had to go. There is a gas station right on the way to the turnpike, so I pulled in, and ran in to give the cashier 5 bucks, since I knew I didn't have time to wait for a whole tank. Again, I'll spare you the drama of why I don't have a check card at the moment. In a huge hurry, I grab the nozzle all the way to the right - the one that's supposed to be the cheap gas and I cannot for the life of me get the damn nozzle to fit into my tank. Frustrated because I'm already running late, I held it as far in there as I could and pulled the trigger on the nozzle. A small amount drizzles in while most of it spews out. Now, incredibly angry and way beyond frustrated, I decide to try to ease it in there and gently pull back on the nozzle, even though there is no way that that thing is actually going to fit into the tank. This worked great for a few minutes, until the pump shut off....at $1.50, which of course is equal to less than a gallon right now.
By this point I was ready to go postal, so I go marching my skirted self in heeled sandals back into the station and rudely remark to the cashier that there is something wrong with the pump. This is our conversation:
Me: "That pump is not working. It just shut off. I've got to get gas because I'm going to be late for an appointment."
Cashier: "I reset the pump. You were trying to put diesel in your car."
Me: "No, I wasn't. I pulled the nozzle for the 87 octane gas like I always do."
Cashier: "Ma'am, the green nozzle is always diesel."
Me: "I guess I'll go try again. The pump is ready?"
Cashier: "Yes, I told you I reset it."
Angry, and knowing that of course I was right and wouldn't do anything THAT stupid, I hightail it out of there to go put that same nozzle in my car. Well of course I was wrong as the night is black. I hate that.
But now what? Do I put gasoline in on top of the diesel? Do I have to siphon that stuff out before I add it? Will my car spontaneously combust on the freeway if I mix fuels?
To hell with it. I'm late. I added the rest of my 5 bucks to the tank and drove off with $1.50 in diesel and $3.50 in gasoline in my car, feeling like a dumbass for being rude AND wrong. You should only be allowed to be one of those things. Rude OR wrong. Not both.
More Math...
This ...
Breakfast
Plus this.....
Lunch
Equals this.....
Yes those are actually my legs. Imagine my horror when after work I was sitting on the floor, minding my own business taking pictures of my girl and those things show up on my camera's screen. They're MINE!!!!! Holy moly! Is that a dimple in my CALF??? I have never seen that before!!! WTF??Time For Some More Math...
Perhaps these....
The walking shoes I ran out and bought
Plus this....
The jogging stroller I bought, justifying it by telling myself that
I'd actually use it
Could possibly equal this....
The old Cassy
Now don't get me wrong.... I'm not disillusioned about how great I used to look. I know I wasn't a bombshell. And I know and am comfortable with the fact that I'm ordinary, not a standout either way (i.e., not dropdead gorgeous or mud fencepost ugly, kwim?). But for crying out loud, I'm at least 40 pounds heavier than I've ever been and my butt shakes when I walk. Ever heard of back fat? I've got some you can look at if you don't have your own. And a pooch? Yep, I've got one of those too.
I'd like to blame it all on this.....
But sixteen months after the fact, this is all me. I am committing right here in cyberspace for all to read to exercising and eating better. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted to and it didn't really matter. Apparently, now it's not the same, and I'm a slow learner. I swear, though, if the eating right and excercising plan doesn't work, I'm moving on to the cabbage diet!
NO MORE MATH!
I had a really great afternoon with my punkin today. We came home and played after I picked her up early from school. She had a good day there....no bites, thank God! And we finally got a picture I've wanted forever. I took it, so it's not great, and if you're offended by nursing pictures, stop reading, but I thought I'd share it. I'd really like to do a nursing photo shoot, just to capture the whole experience, since she's getting bigger and just doesn't nurse as often, but I thought this one was cute. Warning: Boob picture ahead! LOL!
8.25.2005
Read this postI've been reading lots of other blogs here lately, and it's amazing what you find in people. When I read this post I was amazed at how this woman described her experiences and how she's come through it. It's just what I needed to read. And just for the record, I choose joy, too.
Just got a call from the director at Rylee's school and she got bit AGAIN!!!!! OMG! I am so pissed off. I had to work really hard not to be a real bitch to her, because I do believe they're trying to get it under control, but this is two days in a row, that my little girl has gotten hurt at the hand of another TODDLER!!!!!
I'm fuming!
I went to the bank today to open up a new business account closer to our store and the head cashier has the unfortunate name of Debbie Kock. Can you imagine?
My poor sister. =(
I've kept my resume on monster.com and still get matches (yes, from monster, but not eharmony) from my search agent every day. Well, yesterday there was one that was PERFECT...and I mean perfect for me - cost accounting, which I love, North Dallas (north of 635 = less commute time) and advertised salary of 5-10K more than what I'm making now with guaranteed bonus of 5%. So I applied and the hiring person called me right back. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to pick up.
But, really....I've been here a whopping 2.5 months. If I get this other job, I'm gonna leave. Should I feel guilty? I don't. Oh, and they were offering that salary for someone with 2-5 years experience. I've got 6 in exactly what they're looking for, so I'm sure I'd be at the top end of the range. That would be more money than I've ever made before...even in my old life when I was making great money. I would seriously be able to save probably about $10K over the next year.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, k?
8.24.2005
They told me this day would come
The day my kid got bit at 'daycare'. This is what I picked up today. Her teacher calmly asks if 'they' called me and told me she got bit. I tell her no, thinking she meant an ant bite or some such thing. But oh no, a KID!!! Apparently, they were sitting there playing when Dracula decided to take a bite out of her. And this isn't the first time this kid has bitten someone. GRRRRRR! I don't know if I'm madder about the bite or the fact that they didn't call me. But then again, I would have sat around worrying about her for the rest of the afternoon if they had. Geez.
Like how I figured out how to use my 'new' digital camera? Thanks, Kellie! On a happier note, she was her normal self tonight, and ate the heck outta Katie's chicken dish. It cracks me up that the first thing she says when we get in the car is 'eeeeeaat?' Like they don't eat 5 times a day at school. Her other favorite thing to do in the car is take off her shoes, which I always remind her NOT to do. When I see her messing with them I tell her "Leave your shoes on" (Trying to focus on what I DO want her to do instead of what she can't do. So far it's not working.) To which she replies, "No" and promptly removes them. I look back and say "Mama said leave your shoes on in the car. We take our shoes off when we get home." Then she looks at me ever so sweetly and whispers, "hot?" Like that's why she took them off. Riiiiiiiiight!
Then since she was covered head to elbows in white sauce, we headed up to the bath. Yes, my kid drinks bath water, which totally grosses me out. I mean, I don't even take baths because I don't think I get clean enough, and she drinks it. Nice. And what's up with this fixation with toothbrushes? She loves 'em. Note the spaghetti noodle still on her chest from dinner. ;-)
My very favorite thing she's doing right now is singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". It is so cute. She honestly makes me smile every day and makes my life so sweet. I just can't get enough of you, baby!
Now for other nonsense. I just know you all are dying to see where I work. Well, it's a big ugly red building in the industrial part of town and I work in a tiny office with old furniture and an uncomfortable chair. See?
I have been trying to come up with good ideas for lunches. I can't eat any more fast food or I will literally turn into an elephant. I'm gaining weight like a body builder. This is my new favorite. It has the two best qualities in a meal - it's cheap and good. Okay the three best qualities....you don't have to really cook it either.
Another thing I've been trying to figure out is where the decent men are. Mind you, I'm happy being single, and don't really feel like I need anyone right now and marriage is soooo off of my list of things to do before I die, but it seems like all the ones I've met lately are L.O.S.E.R.S. But I watch TV and am convinced that when Neil Clark Warren tells me that his website is the one that gives people the most second dates and marriages, that I might at least get some good conversation out of the deal. This is what I got. I know you can't read it, but the dark black letters say, "Our system was not able to find any matches for you right now." Then they try to patronize you with some gibberish about how many new people join every day and how they analyze them every 24 hours to find you perfect match. Eharmony schmarmony.
8.23.2005
I've entered the digital world!Yes, I finally have a digital camera!!! Kellie sold me her 'retired' one for a mere $50, so now if I can figure out how to get them downloaded onto my puter, I'll be able to share them. I can see myself becoming quite the photo documentarian. I LOVE it!!!! I'll try to post some pics tomorrow night.
Tonight we went and ate with B and Josh and the new baby. She made the most awesome Italian chicken dish. I think even I could make this one. Rylee ate a ton. You'd think they don't feed them at school the way she chows down at night. I'll have to post the pics of the results of her meal tomorrow. She had spaghetti sauce everywhere from her hair to her elbows. And somehow, she's still so daggum sweet. In the words of my favorite friend, Chandler, "Could I *BE* any more crazy about her?"
There are two bathrooms in this facility – both clearly marked as to who should enter. When you see the one marked “Women”, read it as “Whoa, Men! Can't come in!” If for some bizarre reason your room is occupied and you cannot wait the two seconds it takes to pee standing up and think you MUST (as in this is an emergency!!) use mine (the only testosterone-free 5 sq. ft. in this whole building), please for the love of all things holy, put the seat down. I hope I don’t need to remind you that I am a member of the unfortunate sex of our species that must actually place its hindparts on the seat to take care of business. If I have to bend over and touch that thing one more time with my hands, one of you will lose his man parts – mark my words. Also, if you do invade my space, do not bring cups with you. Thinking about what in God’s name you are doing with a cup in my bathroom makes my uvula quiver and I don’t like that.
One more thing – if you remove ice cubes from a tray, the polite thing to do is refill it. Try it sometime.
8.22.2005
What to do?Just found out it's the big boss's birthday. Should I do something? Card? Anything? Help!
8.21.2005
20 Things...Erin tagged me for this one...I have to list 10 things I love and hate. Here ya go.
10 things I love:
1. Rylee. Without a doubt she is the best thing in my life. I shudder to imagine the empty, lonely person I would be without her. When I think of her, I think of the song by Rascal Flatts "Bless the Broken Road". I know that the song is talking about finding a lover, but when you look at it and see the words, it just fits me and my girl. The chorus goes like this:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Also, those of you who know me, know that I am not a religious person, that God and I aren't really on speaking terms. But whatever you believe is in motion in the universe that directs our paths....THAT brought me to Rylee who is the saving grace in all of my 'mistakes' and the hurt caused by those who were supposed to have love me in this life.
And I LOVE it when we're sleeping at night and she crawls over to me and lays her head on my back or chest. There's nothing better. My world is right.
2. Rain. I love to be inside on rainy days, with lamp light reading a book or watching a good chick flick.
3. Hot summer days when I can play outside. There's nothing like being at the beach or the pool in the sun. Unfortunately, as someone who has had melanoma, I have to remain lathered in sunscreen, but it's still awesome to be in the sun and feel it warm me from the outside in.
4. Humility. I have to say that this is probably the most attractive quality in a person as far as I'm concerned. Chances are, if you're really that great, I'll find out without you telling me and when I do, I'll love you. Humble people are soooo attractive.
5. Having my bills paid and money in my checking account. A cushion feels great, and for the first time in a long time, I'm actually in this place. There's more paycheck than month instead of vice versa. No more red numbers and NSF fees from the bank. I know for lots of people it might not be a big deal, but this weekend I had an extra over $600 in expenses that I had to cover, and I could. After struggling for the past two and a half years, that's such a relief
6. Sushi. 'Nuff said.
7. Pillow talk. Late nights in bed with someone special, just talking, dreaming and scheming. I'm not talking about sex, although I enjoy a good roll in the sheets as much as the next person. I just love the closeness of lying next to someone and sharing life. That's what sucks most about being single.
8. Shopping for Rylee or myself when I find stuff that fits. Understandably, this makes achieving number 5 a bit more difficult, because when there *is* money left, I tend to spend it, just 'cause I have it. I am getting better, though, and now I just buy things on sale.
9. Intellectual stimulation and deep conversation. Come on, if we're going to spend our precious time talking, make me think. Or at the very least, make me laugh. That ranks way up there on my list too!
10. The smell of Surf and Downy when I do laundry. Clean clothes rock!
I have 11. I love college football games in the fall. The sound of the bands playing, the energy in the air, autumn breeze, sweatshirts....oh man....wish I were there right now.
10 Things I Hate
1. People who sexually abuse children. See, Mr. Pedophile, you don't understand that the true violation lies not in the physical act you so selfishly commit on a child, but in the stripping of innocence, childhood and a sense of security that most often lasts a lifetime. You rob innocent children of their ability to trust those who really do care and won't misuse their hearts and emotions. You deserve nothing good in this life or the next. Karma's a bitch, and I hope you rot in the hottest part of the deepest pit of hell.
2. Cooking. Who has the time, energy or gumshun to cook? Trying to make a meal for one and half really sucks. You either make too much and throw it out, or you have to eat it for a week, or you eat too much at one sitting. Plus, everything I make tastes like cardboard. Don't even get me started on cleaning it up. Yuck. There are very few things I hate more.
3. Laundry. As much as I like having clean clothes, I despise actually having to do laundry. While I've never really enjoyed it, it is made much worse by the fact that we live in a two-story house and it's such a PITA to carry a kid and clothes up and down the stairs every time you need to wash. What ends up happening is that I go as long as possible, then I've got 10 loads, feel overwhelmed, and end up walking through piles til I get those done, by which time I've got more to do and it's just an endless vicious cycle.
4. Arrogance, hypocrisy, and judgementalism. Let's face it - we all make bad decisions. We all do things that other people don't agree with, but neither you nor I have the market on all things right and good. Anything you've done is a 'bad' as anything I've done. If you're a Christian, your Bible even says so. Yet you sit in your ivory tower and cast stones down on people who don't agree with you or who have done things you in all your great wisdom have deemed to be wrong. That in and of itself is as bad as any of the "sinners" living below your tower.
I might not consider myself a Christian right now, but I grew up that way, and know what your book says, and Jesus himself came down harder on the Pharisees who were supposedly the 'religious' people of the day than he did on the woman at the well - who was a sinner by anyone's standard. If you really want to save the world, go love someone, don't turn your back on them because you don't agree with them. Don't shout how horrible they are and tell them they're on the fast track to hell. If you've sinned, you're as "bad" as anyone else. That's what your own book says. Read it and weep - then get over yourself.
5. Hate might be too strong a word for this...but it makes me sad to see women who don't try to breastfeed. No, I'm not a breastfeeding Nazi and I would never say anything to anyone who chose to not do that. But I do feel very strongly that it is a child's birthright to be nourished the way natured intended her to be. That is certainly not to say that mothers who don't are bad mothers or love their children any less. That's an arrogant, judgmental thing to say and you now know how I feel about that. I just wish more women would stick with it through the hard times, because we all have them. That's all.
6. Not having my happy pills. At first, I hated admitting to myself that I needed them, but I've come to realize that if my heart were bad, I'd take something for it. I need help to get through the day and not want to kill myself or someone else - to not feel depressed and panicky all the time. That I hate. Taking a pill everyday - now that's a piece of cake. It doesn't make me weak or crazy or less than anyone else. It just means that my brain needs the boost of seratonin to function like yours does, and believe you me, I'm happy to give it that - every day for the rest of my life.
7. Being bored. To be at work and not have anything to do, or have to do mundane things, drives me batty. See number 9 above. I like my brain to be used.
8. Bathing Rylee. For some reason, I just dread it. I love having her clean and I adore the way she smells, but it's just a pain. I know moms are supposed to like that, but I just don't. That's why it only happens every other day.
9. People who drive too slowly on the highway...Especially in the HOV lane. That lane should be reserved for people who are going to drive 10 miles over the speed limit, at the very least. DO NOT get in front of me in that lane and drive 65 miles an hour. Move your sorry ass over into the far right lane and get the hell outta my way.
10. Having a period. You men out there have no clue, so you can stop reading. But seriously, what is the point of ovulating every month, bleeding and smelling like a dead fish if you don't want kids? I've been doing this since I was 10 years old and I'm just about sick of it. I don't want kids right now, there's no reason I should ovulate. We should be able to flip a fertility switch somewhere in us that allows us to be fertile when we want to be and all the other times not even mess with it all. Ick.
8.19.2005
EeepThis is Rylee's word for help. She does the sign and says "Eeep, mama?" Speaking of signing, when I went and picked her up from school the other day, Ms. Tania informed me that Rylee had taught her something...the sign for shoe. Proud mommy moment! Yeah, all you people are teaching her and she teaches YOU something that I taught her! Good job, Rylee. Keep it up.
The beach, that is. I had my Lexapro prescription transfered to CVS this week and I got a free $30 gift card. While waiting for the pharmacist, I went browsing and found some cool sand chairs...50% off. I just had to get them. And there they sit in the garage, not to be used for another whole year.
8.18.2005
Ketchup with that foot?OMG! I have the biggest mouth sometimes. I am in a less than good mood today and Goofy Sleeping Assistant Manager keeps coming into my office just to BS. I don't want to BS; I've got work to do because I'm not going to be here tomorrow.
Manager (who is pretty cool, btw) walks in and says that Mike the big boss will be here at one to interview someone who used be a manager for the competition. Now the only spot for someone like that would be to take the GSAM's. So of course I ask Manager why the interview. He doesn't know and I say, "Well maybe he'll get rid of the sleeper and bring in someone who can stay awake for a whole 8 hours shift."
Manager walks off chuckling. I get up to refill my water glass and guess who is sitting not too far from my office? Yep.
Open mouth. Insert foot.
8.17.2005
I Got Tagged - Twice!!*** I had this all ready to post last night and got sidetracked by the punkin, so here ya go! ***
So both Heather B and Kami tagged me for this one. Here are the instructions...
List ten songs that you are currently digging... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other random people to see what they're listening to.
1. Fallen by Sarah McLachlan. This would be the lovely song you're listening to. When I was preggo with Rylee, I really liked it. Seemed like it kind of fit my life at the time.
Alright, Sarah is gone. =( Though you all might be tired of listening to her.
2. The Reason by Hoobastank
3. Breathing by Lifehouse
4. Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson
5. Crazy Frog Song I know, I know...it's annoying as hell, but it makes me smile, so I included it.
6. This Love by Maroon 5
7. Your Body Is a Wonderland by John Mayer Anyone who sings that song to me like he sings it can have his way with me! LOL.
8. How to Deal by Frankie J
9. Listen to Your Heart by D.H.T. I can't find a good website for them. Anywho...
10. Angel, also by Sarah M
There ya go, now five of you need to do the same....
8.16.2005
WTH?Maybe it's just me, but if I were the Assistant Manager of a store and this were my second day, I sure as heck would not be SLEEPING at 3:34 in the afternoon. Hellloooo, McFly! Anyone home?
WAKE UP, STUPID!! Do you WANT to get fired? You'd better be so glad that Mike's not here today, or you would be gone...do you hear me??? G-O-N-E!
I hate crickets, and I just had to kill two. Ick.
This is my crazy kid's newest thing. She does something and then slaps her face "Home Alone" style and shouts "Oh no!"
Must be something she picked up at school. Another thing that's most definitely from there is being so LOUD! I suppose it's so that they can be heard over the cacophony that is a pre-school, but geez Louise, the kid has gotten loud. Even her mumblings and jabbering have gotten so much louder.
I'm having a mommy moment for no particular reason. I guess I just love my girl.
8.15.2005
A PollAs someone who has been recently (as in last night) disowned by her mother, I have been asking myself what my daughter could do that would be so bad that I would do the same to her.
So tell me, what would it take your kids doing for you to disown them? Make a comment and let me know.
**On a happy side note, I am now free to cuss my heart out here because I'm sure the sibs won't be allowed to read anymore. ;-)
8.14.2005
Vacation Pics, Finally...These didn't come out at well as I'd hoped, but here they are...
You know I'm no photographer, so you may NOT laugh at them - not even when you see the tip of my finger in some. ;-)
We had such an amazing time. I am already looking forward to getting back there next year!
This was pretty creepy. Where we are used to be a huge parking lot. Instead, hurricane Ivan has made it a bit of asphalt that drops suddenly 20 feet down...
This is the cool pool Ms. Erin made for her. We played forever in this thing. Ahhhh...notice the gorgeous white sand.
I like this one of her. We had such a good time. I can't wait to go back next year!
Captain Rylee, at your service!
We got to ride the boat for a so-called dophin sighting cruise. All we saw were some seagulls and people getting sick from the boat swaying. That's one thing I won't have to do again....But we did get a picture out of the deal.
This is what she and Hayden did everyday for about an hour or so. They look so peaceful and innocent, don't they?
This beach stuff can really make a girl thirsty. Notice Erin's nephew in the background. hehe.
Here she is looking all cheesy after a day at the beach
...who has a cussing one year old. Apparently, Holli does too. At least Faith is only saying crap. Yesterday, Rylee dropped an S bomb and today in the car, repeating after me of course, she said "Go. Dammit." Then kept saying "Go, go, go, go" in a hateful voice. That's just peachy.
We went to a birthday party toinght, and Amy said that Mia has dropped the F bomb. So far Rylee hasn't done that one but it'll happen. I guess I always knew this day would come, but dammit, I like talking like I want to talk. I don't want to spell cuss, Holli! ;-)
And I *do* usually keep it pretty clean here. My mother and little sister and brother who are 12 and 11 read it. I have thought about starting another blog that wouldn't have to be G rated, since this is mostly for and about Rylee, but I don't think I have the energy.
I guess I'm off to wash my mouth out with soap.
8.13.2005
Catching up...againThis week was a wild one. Rylee woke with pink eye on Sunday morning, so we treated it with homeopathic pink eye drops and the anitbiotic ointment Conan had left over from his bout with it. I was worried that she wouldn't be able to go to school, but whatever we did seemed to work fairly well. Although she woke up with lots of gunk every morning since, it hasn't been too bad and after a gentle wipe and the application of some drops, she's good to go.
Oh, and guess what??? My best friend, Anna, from highschool emailed me!!!! How cool is that? I've actually tried to find her a time or two and just couldn't. I guess she went through classmates.com. We haven't actually been able to catch up on the phone yet, because Rylee has been a pistol to try and get down at night this week, but hopefully, we'll get to chat today or tomorrow. I'm so excited to catch up with her!!
What else.....lots, I guess, but I won't bore you with it. I'll try to do better this week about posting!
And yes, Heather B, I saw that I was tagged and as soon as I don't have a kid sitting here eating my makeup, I'll post! =)
8.12.2005
Listen to your heartThis song is really speaking to me as I prepare to tell someone goodbye. Most of you will have no clue what I'm talking about and that's okay. But this song is all I can think about today.
I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.
Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why, but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.
And there are voices that want to be heard.
So much to mention but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic, the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.
Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why, but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.
8.05.2005
Here's something you don't see everydayDriving down Central Expressway this morning, I pass a truck of reindeer. In Texas?
Not one from Rylee when I dropped her off at school today. Repeat after me, Cassy. "That is a good thing. That is a good thing." Very bittersweet. I'm very happy that she is so well adjusted and loves school, but come on. Not ONE?
8.04.2005
Thank God for LexaproWarning: This is a vent. Stop reading right now if you don’t want to hear me whine.
I have just about had it with stupid people today.
I had to go to Micro Center today and buy a computer for here at the office. I take off with a check (that I am authorized to sign) get my stuff and go to the check out. The girl rings up my purchase, which takes forever, because there’s a lot, tells me the total and I write the check – it’s only $1100, not much. Then she looks at it and calls over a manager. He says that he will have to get approval. Fine. Do what you gotta do, chief. So he goes all the way to the office and then comes back and says he can’t accept it and did I want to use another form of payment. No, stupid. I want to use the one I just gave you.
So he calls another 800 number, gets transferred to small business, which gives him a 900 number. Of course, they’re not allowed to call 900 numbers. So I’m standing there with a cart full of crap that I really need and Doogie Houser isn’t going to take my check. I swear the kid was 15. Finally I called our banking officer at Chase, who was not happy. (“Cassy we don’t do verifications”) but talks to the guy and he agrees to take the darn thing.
Finally, the ordeal is over. Or is it?? The chick has to re-ring everything I have. Which means taking it all out of the bags. It took me 45 MINUTES TO FLIPPING CHECK OUT.
That manager should call my doctor and thank her for putting me on Lexapro. I so wanted to rip him a new one. We have spent about $10K there over the last month and now all of the sudden you can’t take my check??? I told him I was never going back and that I would tell everyone I know not to. So now I’m telling you. Don’t go.
So, I’m on the way back, hungry, and pass a McDonald’s. Trying to be a good girl, I order a chicken sandwich meal. Guess how much. $6.00 – highway robbery. Not to age myself or anything, but I remember buying a QPC meal for 3 bucks. Those were the days.
Eventually, I made it back here and Jorge, one of the guys who works on the floor of the store asked me if I had been shopping. That tells you how bad what I had was. I say yes, and with googly eyes that make me feel like I’m being undressed he tells me that I look nice. This makes me a bit uncomfy, knowing that dude is married, so I make some comment about having to buy stuff that fits my post-baby body. His reply:
“Well, you’re not fat, just thick and juicy.”
Thanks, man.
What else…
Oh yeah, stupid petty stuff going on with someone in my Yahoo! Group.
And the irony of it all…..I get a call from the guy who did the printing for my one and only issue of Neighborhood Savings. This is someone that I still owe money to, because I am still owed money. It is the same person who earlier this week left a message on my phone saying that he was going to have to get attorneys involved and call the people who advertised with me and tell them I’m not paying my bills because surely they’ve paid me. So I had sent him an email yesterday explaining the situation and he offered me a job. Are you smokin crack, dude? I mean, really…would YOU offer me a job in that situation??
I guess I just have to take Kellie's philosophy that tomorrow IS another day. Thank God.
8.03.2005
HUH????So why in the world can't I get this dumb thing to show my blog in my profile??? I've tried editing my profile and then when I click select blogs to display, it pops up a screen that looks like this:
Back To: Dashboard > Edit Profile
Set Displayed Blogs
Display?
And nothing else. GRRRRRRRR....There's no choice to pick this blog.
@#$!@#!@#!$!@#$%#!$%#$$^&$%^&!!!!!
And I mean it!
8.02.2005
I love you Mommy, and other ramblings.......
Actually, it was more like "I yuh yoo, Mee Moo", but I'm going to count it. =)
Why does she always end up sleeping across the bed instead of vertically in it? I wake up with a head or two feet in my armpit every night. I don't get it.
Shopping
Went to the mall this past weekend and got some great deals. At Macy's I bought 8 outfits and two shirts for $147! JC Penney was having a great sale too. I got 3 skirts, 2 dresses and about 4 shirts for $69. Whoo hooo. Now I have something to wear that actually belongs in an office, instead of at the gym (not that I actually go there...). It's funny how clothes make you feel better about yourself. When I'm wearing something I like, I think I'm more productive at work. Is that shallow? I don't care.
Eating
I've got to get some self control. Kelly and I are thinking about joining weight watchers together. I just need the accountability. How pathetic is that? Step away from the cheese and put down the french fries.
Nana is here!!
Well, not quite yet. She's getting in this morning at 9:30. She and Katie are going to go get Rylee from school and then she's going to keep her this week for me. It's going to be nice to have her here. She doesn't have to leave until Monday. Yay! Rylee has really changed a bunch since she was here last, even though it's only been a couple of months.
Baby Nathan
B finally had that baby last night. Oh mah gaw! He is soooo cute! And tiny. He only weighed 6 lb 6 oz. But he is gorgeous with lots of dark hair. He's just perfect. His mom makes me sick. Can't even tell she just pushed a kid through her woo. Looks great. We went up there last night. Rylee was sooooo jealous of me holding that kid. I guess it was her way of saying NO MORE BABIES! Fine with me.
Katie and Chris
They've been married for two years today. Congrats, you two lovebirds!
Alrightee...I'd better get back to work. Speaking of that, this place is driving me nutso. The person who was doing the accouting before me left things kind of in a mess. I have no clue why she did some things like she did and she was (at least appears to have been) kind of lazy and entered transactions in lump amounts, which means I have to disect things. Ick. I need a temp person to help me get through some of the mess. I'll have to run it by the bossman when he gets back.